Introductions: Trader Amy

Hi! I'm Amy and I have been a Trader Joe's fan for as long as I can remember. I shamelessly make leisurely trips to the Union Square location during my lunch break and I always leave with 1-2 bags of awesome (as well as a bangin' crush on whichever hispteresque/20something/toocoolforschool employee helped me that day). I frequently force my co-workers to try various TJ items that are either a.) on sale or b.) in pretty packages and both categories have definitely lead me to a few winners. Some of my favorites include their Cinnamon Schoolbook Cookies, Ginger Senbei Snacks, and limited Christmas-edition Gingerbread Coffee.

Review #7: Low-Fat Chicken Lo Mein

Trader Joe's - or should I say, paternalistically and a bit uncomfortably, Trader Ming's - "low fat" chicken lo mein tastes pretty awesome. It's not quite as good texturally as a fine Chinese bistro or when you get it from one of those hole-in-the-wall Chinese places where you order by pointing at glow-up pictures, but it's close, doesn't taste low-fat at all, and is in the upper tier of Trader Ming's products I've tried for sure. By which I mean, the chicken tastes normal. Cooking it takes a couple of steps, so it's something best to prepare before you go to work. My only real qualm: a paltry serving. Split in half, the bag is really not enough for two lunches: best to supplement with some mixed greens and/or a couple of Trader Joe's veggie dumplings (very highly recommended, although my coworkers asked "what smells like onion bagels").

Review #6: Dark Chocolate Covered Joe Joe's And An Intro

It's no secret that I like the sweets. I mean, I even sound chubby on the radio. And while we're briefly on the subject of an introduction of sorts, I'm not going to bore you all with a "Trader Jason" introduction. I like food, I spend way too much money on it. I have battled this side of me from time to time but at a certain point you just have to embrace it. For those of you who maybe have some self respect for their digestive systems, things like TJ's dark chocolate covered Joe Joe's might be a nice random treat. But for a man who said goodbye to self respect a while ago and dove headfirst into the doughy abyss that is one's inner fat man, these cookies spell disaster.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a pan. In fact, these cookies are TOO good. The other night after buying my first box, I took 2 out and sat down to watch a special about how kick ass Teddy Roosevelt was on the History Channel. Cut to the first commercial break and I'm in a sugar glazed stupor and the box is emptied.

If you've never taken the time to truly explore TJ's "Fuck Diabetics" section, Joe Joe's are their version of Oreos. The cookies by themselves are fine. Nothing to write home about, maybe a couple of notches above Hydrox on the sandwich cookie path to perfection that is an Oreo. But they are transformed into little pillows of heaven when covered in deep dark chocolate. The chocolate coating adds a perfect texture and a little snap to every bite. The taste itself can best be described as "holy fucking shit". Some might say they are too sweet but I don't want to fraternize with those people. I mean, how can something be too sweet? In the words of Jeannie Darcy, "don't even get me started". You know what I will get started on? Another box of these goddamn cookies because they are delicious. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for "How to Write An Awesome Segue" class at the Learning Annex.

the legend of charles shaw.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/06/02/eveningnews/main556620.shtml

This is way outtdated, but seriously their explanation for $2-3 buck chuck is an overabundance of grapes?

I was wondering what your guys take on the myth was. I had always heard the vineyard owner went through a bitter divorce with no prenup, and wanted to make the venture break even so his money grubbing wife couldn't have any.

Review #5: Fast and Furious

A quick list of recently tried Trader Joe's products and my verdicts:

1. Trader Joe's Fish Sticks (in the teal box, lightly breaded)
Wow. I was skeptical about these but once I baked them up and paired them with Trader Joe's a little too sweet (yet still tasty) tartar sauce, I was in love. The fish in these tastes pretty normal, which was shocking. The breading is very subtle, it joins with the normal tasting fish to form an iconoclastic food product. It feels so...whimsical to eat a fish stick at the age of 21 but these are like little nuggets of my precious fish and chips from when I lived in England. Delectable!


2. Trader Joe's Edamame
Wow-wee-whoa-whoa. I think the whole world can agree that this is probably the most beloved Trader Joe's product. I'll tell the world about the love that I found (for this product).

3. Salmon stuffed with cream cheese and shrimp
This is not an official Trader Joe's product but I purchased it there nevertheless. The stuffing is a bit flavorless but the quality of the fish was good. The price is the best part about this: REAL fish for $2.99! If you added some better seasoning than what I had my disposal and perhaps a snazzy side, this could make for a reasonably thrilling meal.

Review #4: In Defense of Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken

Molly doesn't like this, but I am a recent and fervent convert. I study Chinese history at school and let's just say this now: this meal is NOT authentic in any way, shape, or form, but it is delicious. I cooked mine with some of that PERFECT Trader Joe's Edamame (OMG - I die!) and brown rice. My only major qualm with this scrumptious treat is the "Trader Ming's" label....really now? I thought Trader Joe's was a place of acceptance and love, not a place of racial stereotypes and prejudices. I shudder to think what TJ's calls their Caribbean influenced foods. "Welcome to the Islands, Mon"? But in the words of Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick in Factory Girl: I CAN'T HATE 'EM!!!!

The chicken was pretty smooth and it wasn't stringy at all. Although it takes a (comparatively) long time to cook, the chicken came out perfect and tasty. Granted, it has been a very long time since I have had "real" food that I made myself, so perhaps I am just easily impressed. I was also impressed with the sheer amount of chicken pieces I was given for what I paid. I cooked the whole meal but saved some for leftovers. Verdict: still pretty tasty the next day.

Review #3: Frozen Chicken (in its many forms)

Like getting close to a live chicken, Trader Joe's frozen chicken products should be approached with caution. The Asian stir-fry chicken meals - the kind that come in the large foil bags and are often of the Orange or Teriyaki variety - are consistantly bad. While the sauce is "accurate-tasting," no matter how long you cook it for, the texture is strange, and it's stringy at all the worst times. I usually end up throwing out half the cooked pieces. The bags usually just run under five dollars; I feel like it's worth it to go to your local Panda Express or what have you and get the real thing. However, their frozen chicken breasts are utilitarian and fine; easy to defrost or microwave, and able to cook into whatever you want. And, as a component of other frozen dishes (chicken tamales, for example, or chicken dumplings), TJ's has yet to mess up.